Yeah I definitely have a problem, or more, but this post is directed to one particular problem. I tend to push people away. It wouldn't be as bad if I didn't do it on purpose, but I do. It starts with the fact that I don't like being close to people. I feel all vulnerable and stuff, I'm feeling a little vulnerable just talking about it.
What bothers me is that it keeps me from being in relationships. I tend to gravitate to the guy that doesn't want me and stray from the ones that do. God forbid if the one that doesn't want me starts to, because I just might do some things to purposely push him away.
I just noticed how screwed up I am emotionally. My closest friends probably would never know it, but I am. It's not so much me being shy, but me just not wanting to let people in. The worst is when I do and those people always end up leaving my life in some kind of way. What's the point of letting people in, if they just go when you do. I don't think it's fair, because each time I open up I give them a piece of me and when they leave I feel like they take it away from me. So that leads to me pushing people away & I build my wall brick by boring brick to keep people out. Sometimes I want people to break through, that way I'll know they actually care. Besides one would actually have to stick around because breaking through or climbing a wall takes time.
No comments:
Post a Comment