Sometimes it feels like my existence and anyone else's is pointless. I guess that thought could only lead to, "what is the meaning of life?"...blah, blah, blah. I don't think I really want to know the answer to that one. Or better yet, I don't think I want to remember the answer to that one, because I refuse to believe we are brought into this world totally clueless. Maybe these extravagant experiences that people are so anxious to have separate us from what we already know or feel is the meaning of life.
I honestly do not know how I got to this topic. I wanted to create a blog to express my thoughts and possibly motivate myself from a life-if that's what you can call it- of doing nothing, fearing everything, and avoiding life. I am a recent college graduate. Yayy!!! for that much. But what is after that, I surely don't know. The only thing I do know is that there is a world full of motivated young adults and I'm not among them. (Hmm, I wonder if that's a sign for depression?) Anywho, I keep putting aside things to do, like rewrite my resume, apply for volunteer & internships, oh yeah and a job. I don't know how my parents put up with me. I have become the slacker from those 80's movies hanging in their parents' basement that I always told myself I would never date. I'm not living in the basement, but I wouldn't date me.
I am the most noncommittal person in the world, I would put Tiger Woods to shame. (Sorry to Mr. Woods for that pun, but he's the only person I could think of at the moment.) I can't commit to getting a job. I can't commit to applying to Nursing school. I can't commit to learning to play an instrument (I have two guitars and an un-tuned piano in the house by the way). I can't commit to liking someone for more than a month (sometimes a week, depends on how I'm feeling). I can't commit to an exercise plan or losing weight. I'm surprised I committed myself to writing this post (let's see if another post follows). I just wish sometimes that there was a magic motivation pill that I could take. Anti-depressants and mood-brighteners don't count- have you seen the list of side affects for those things. The keyword here is magic. I'm afraid that it will be the only thing that works.
Okay I'm just going to say it....
I AM LAZY. I've heard of discipline. I like to teach it to other people (especially my younger cousin who stays with my parents- thoughts on that situation in a later post), but I fail to practice it myself.
So where does this all leave me?
On the couch, watching television...(Go ahead, shake your head, I know that was a terrible ending)
